Are We Human?
by weatheredlaw
Summary: One-shot. The night before the final battle, Yugi and Yami share a final moment.


**A/N:** I needed a sex-before the battle fic, don't you guys think so? Human, by the Killers. It's such a beautiful song and it fit in perfectly with the story. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plots and OC's. (used lines from episode 224 - those do not belong to me)**

**Are We Human?**

* * *

_I did my best to notice  
When the call came down the line  
Up to the platform of surrender  
I was brought but I was kind._

The heart is too small a place to contain all the emotions of a human being. There isn't enough room for anger or hate or love or apathy. None of those things. None of the things that I need to feel and express and get rid of but just can't. It must be that the human heart is not meant to hold everything at once. That maybe it is meant to let things go, one at a time, to hold only a few feelings at once. But never everything. Never all the feelings you can have for one person. Feelings that you want to release but can't because letting them go might mean letting that person go, too. And I can't let him go. Not ever. Because my heart has held these things for too long. And I should have known from the beginning that, if I didn't let them out, they would eventually over flow and drown me in my own repression. Perhaps it is what I deserved after hiding everything. People who don't admit they're in love never find love again, I think. They hold onto that one person forever and then, by the time they realize how much of their life they've wasted, it's too late. If someone says it's never too late to fall in love, ignore them. Because there comes a point when you just can't do it anymore. And by then, it wouldn't be worth it anyway.

_And sometimes I get nervous  
When I see an open door  
Close your eyes, clear your heart  
Cut the cord_

I had always known the day to say goodbye to him would be coming. I could see it in the distant future, but it was something I hid from myself. And by the time it hit me, in those twilight hours the night before it would all end, I felt the greatest heartache I had ever felt. The pain shook my body and forced me on my knees. Shivers ran down my spine. My heart froze up, seizing and contracting, trying to push everything out. Because tomorrow, there would be no room for all the things I'd stored in that small space. All the things I'd never told him. Never told him because I was afraid that he would push me away. Afraid that he would never see me the way I saw him. Afraid that telling him the truth would mean it would go away and I'd never be able to feel those things for him again. He didn't know how tiny I was inside. And he didn't have to. It was all my doing. I closed up the spaces and made my heart smaller. So small that eventually, nothing became processed at all. All I could feel was what was there: love, anger, desire. It all pressed against the walls of my heart, trying to claw its way out of my body. I thought that I would break apart right there on the floor. Die from all the emotion trying to get out at once.

_Are we human or are we dancer?  
My sign is vital, my hands are cold  
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer  
Are we human or are we dancer?_

And then I felt his presence. That oh too familiar feeling of his hands grabbing my shoulders, leaning down with me and talking me through the pain. "You're alright aibou. It's okay. It's all okay." The feeling of his cheek pressed against my forehead, a feeling only I could experience. One no one else would ever be able to feel but me. I had always taken secret joy in that. In our ability to have contact. In the labyrinth of my mind, it was a secret room, allowing me to take a rest from the trials of the maze.

Gradually, my breathing slowed and the pain began to wear away. I leaned against him, feeling heavy and hollow all at once. "Aibou..." He looked at me with concern and hurt. Like he had felt what I had felt. Had known it all.

"Yami..."

"Why do you do these things to yourself?" he asked quietly, pulling me close to him and holding me tightly. I could feel him shaking, feel tears fall on my neck. "Why?"

"I love you," I whispered into his chest. He nodded and pulled me tighter.

"I know, aibou. I know."

_Pay my respects to grace and virtue  
Send my condolences to good  
Give my regards to soul and romance  
They always did the best they could_

We met with great fury, as a man does with his final meal, with his last phone call, the final sunset. Hungrily and ravenously, we clashed, his seemingly transparent but so terribly tangible body rising over me like a great wave, crashing into me over and over, his tongue and lips and teeth and smile. I cried. Cried like never had. Cried because this was the end and this was all we had left. He struggled with my shirt, giving up eventually and pulling it off of me. I heard the soft landing of the buttons, but I didn't care. Flesh and sweat beat together like a lost drum and our hearts kept the melody. We clung to one another and I could not let go. He bit my lip so hard I tasted blood, but I didn't care. My skin could bruise and bleed and fall away and it wouldn't matter. Not a single bit. Because inside...inside I was healing. Despite that in the coming weeks I would dream of that last night and wake crying out for him, sweating and shirtless, my arms wrapped around a body that was not there. And I would fall asleep wondering where he'd gone, knowing that he was better off there, but wishing he could have remained in my soul for all eternity for me to keep and care for as my own. If I could have made any other wish on the puzzle, it would have been that.

_And so long to devotion  
You taught me everything I know  
Wave goodbye, wish me well  
You've gotta let me go_

No single fantasy I'd ever had in my life with Yami could have become what that night became. Because the physical aspect of our relationship was something we'd ignored for too long. So long that it released itself with the fury of fire, its flames licking up toward the sky and surrounding us with smoke and searing heat. My hands gripped the sheets of the small bed beneath me, feeling him inside and harshly. I cried out with a mixture of feelings I had never felt before at the same time and then gasped silently. His eyes were closed and his body was above me, a shelter from the future that was not too far off. I wanted to say so many things, but I didn't want to waste my breath. He buried his head between the curve of my neck and collar, pressing his face into the sheets and screaming my name. I held him because I could feel his pain just as easily as my own. It was a pain that manifested itself in every move he made as we lay there that night, sweat and moans and steam moving over every inch of me. It occurred to me at one point that others might be able to hear us, but then he pushed so hard into me that I couldn't breathe and every other thought but ones of this feeling vanished, and I didn't think of what others could have thought ever again. Because tomorrow, it wouldn't matter. Or the next day. Or the next. Or ever.

_Are we human or are we dancer?  
My sign is vital, my hands are cold  
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer  
Are we human or are we dancer?_

And then the wave crashed into the shore. He collapsed next to me and, for once, we were both very solid to one another. I stared at him, not believing what we had done, or the feelings we had just felt. Covered in it all, I stared at the ceiling. "I love you," I said again. He nodded and took my hand. I had never thought he'd say it to me. Mostly because I thought he'd never feel it, but now I knew it was because he didn't have to say it. Love for him was an action, not a word. It was a feeling, not something you said. But one of us had to, so why not me. "I have...for so long."

"I know," he said quietly.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you did not want to say anything. I thought that I'd let you do as you pleased."

"But we could have gone all those years, without ever knowing this!" I said, looking at him now.

"And are we better for it?" We were facing one another, still breathing heavily. "Does this make you happy?" I closed my eyes. Happy. He made me happy. The sound of his voice made me happy. The feeling I got when he smiled at me or nodded his approval. I enjoyed pleasing him and making _him_ happy. That was love, wasn't it? Love was happiness.

But I wasn't happy. Not in this moment. My heart had been emptied, but the rest of me had too. I felt lonely for the first time in a long time. Moving closer to him, I cried again, shaking my head. "No. But I don't hurt anymore. And anything is better than feeling that way again." He nodded, understanding, and wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't take the feeling and kissed him. We did this for a long time, moving and writing. We made love again. Stayed awake until the sun began to shine, then fell asleep. When I awoke, he wasn't beside me. I could feel him within the puzzle as I dressed and made my way out, greeting my friends and trying to look and feel determined. I was anything but that. Sending Yami away was the last thing I wanted to do, especially after what had happened during the night. But keeping him here meant him never moving on. And I couldn't do that to him. Couldn't ask him to stay with me. I know he'd say yes, because he wanted to make me happy. But his past was always there, pulling him steadily toward it. And I couldn't deny him his destiny. If I did that, he'd never truly be happy.

_Will your system be alright  
When you dream of home tonight?  
There is no message we're receiving  
Let me know, is your heart still beating?_

"Yugi, a champion doesn't belong on his knees." Just like it had the night before, his hand rested on my shoulder, pulling me out from within myself. "You achieved a great victory for us both."

"I was focusing so hard on playing the game, that I forgot what winning this duel would actually mean. By defeating you I've sent you away. For good."

"No, you have opened the door for me. Thanks to you, my spirit can finally be at rest once again. I'll be back where I belong. Fate brought the two of us together for a reason. And we fulfilled our destiny." The tears would not stop. But I looked at him anyway. Yes, we protected mankind. But who would protect me now? I needed him. Not just because I loved him, but because he was my other self, my other half. My partner.

"I'm going to miss you," I said quietly. As he pulled me from my knees, he leaned in close, so no one could hear.

"I will always love you."

_Are we human or are we dancer?  
My sign is vital, my hands are cold  
And I'm on my knees looking for the answer_

And then he was gone. "Goodbye," I whispered as the doors shut behind him.

In the days that passed, I spoke very little. I felt empty. There was no one to talk to when I was alone. My room felt a bit colder, my mind a little less active. Having someone in your head like that will do that to you. I didn't talk about him because saying his name made his absence real. Atemu, Yami, Pharaoh. In the end, to me, it all meant the same thing. That he was gone. And I no longer had him by my side.

We spent our last moments alone together feeling all we could. And though they brought me pain for months afterward, I realized one day that I would have rather have had those last few moments than to have never made love at all. I felt whole and complete now. It wasn't too late to love again. He had been my first, and he would always hold a place inside. The ache still lives there. It swells up and I wake in the middle of the night, searching my soul for some trace of him. I don't find it and all I can see is his face laying there next to mine on that last night, feel his arms holding me. After a while, all that goes away, and I remember all the good times before that. I remember the connection and I know that I'll never have anything like it ever again, but was lucky enough to have it regardless.


End file.
